Is Your Child Being Difficult...or Having a Difficult Time?
difficult child behavior parent coaching parent-child communication parenting advice parenting teens parenting young adults teen behavior understanding child behavior Aug 06, 2026
Try A New Lens
One of the greatest privileges of my work isn't watching children change.
It's watching parents change.
Parents usually come to me hoping to fix a behavior.
The arguments.
The anxiety.
The withdrawal.
The procrastination.
The lack of motivation.
The disrespect.
They want to know what to say, what consequence to give, or how to get their child back on track.
Those are understandable questions.
But after more than 30 years working with children, teens, parents, families, college students, older adults, and individuals navigating everything from chronic disease to mental health challenges, I've noticed something.
The biggest breakthroughs rarely begin when a child changes first.
They begin when a parent starts seeing the situation through a different lens.
Parents Usually Come to Me Hoping to Change Their Child
Instead of reacting immediately...
they pause.
Instead of assuming they know why their child is behaving a certain way...
they become curious.
Instead of asking,
"Why is my child being so difficult?"
they begin asking,
"Why might my child be having such a difficult time?"
That one shift changes everything.
Because better questions lead to better understanding.
And better understanding often leads to better responses.
Understanding Behavior Doesn't Mean Overanalyzing Behavior
When I encourage parents to understand behavior, I'm not asking them to become psychologists or therapists.
I'm not asking them to spend hours analyzing every interaction.
I'm simply inviting them to pause long enough to become curious before becoming corrective.
Sometimes understanding behavior is as simple as asking yourself:
- What might be difficult for my child right now?
- What pressure might they be carrying?
- What skills or support might they be missing?
You don't need every answer before responding differently.
You simply need a different lens.
Before You React, Pause
One of the biggest transformations I witness isn't that parents suddenly become perfect.
It's that they become more intentional.
They pause before reacting.
They listen a little longer.
They ask more questions.
They become curious before becoming corrective.
That small pause creates space for better decisions, stronger relationships, and more thoughtful responses.
Behavior Is Often the Clue—Not the Problem
Behavior deserves our attention.
But it also deserves our curiosity.
Behavior is often the clue—not the problem.
When we look beneath behavior instead of reacting only to it, we often discover fear, anxiety, grief, perfectionism, ADHD, overwhelm, or simply a child who doesn't yet have the skills to manage what they're experiencing.
That doesn't mean unhealthy behavior is acceptable.
It means understanding what's driving the behavior before deciding how to respond.
Pressure Changes Behavior
One lesson I've learned over the years is this:
People don't struggle because they're weak.
They struggle because pressure outweighs their capacity to cope.
That's true for children.
It's true for teenagers.
It's true for young adults.
And if we're honest...
It's often true for us as parents, too.
When pressure becomes greater than our ability to cope, behavior changes.
That's why looking beneath behavior matters.
One Meaningful Step FORWARD
One of the things clients tell me after we've worked together is that they finally feel calmer.
Not because every challenge has disappeared.
But because they finally know where to begin.
Each session isn't about leaving with twenty new parenting strategies.
It's about leaving with one meaningful step they can take to help move their family FORWARD.
That's the work I love most.
Helping parents pause.
Observe.
Understand what's happening beneath the behavior.
Choose one meaningful next step.
And move FORWARD.
Because lasting change rarely comes from trying harder.
It comes from seeing differently.
When nothing is working...
Try a new lens.
No blame. No shame. Just FORWARD.
Ready for a Different Approach?
If this resonated with you, I'd love to invite you to my FREE monthly parenting class, When Nothing Is Working: Try a New Lens on Parenting & Behavior.
Together, we'll explore what's happening beneath behavior and help you identify one meaningful step FORWARD.
→ Save Your Spot for the Next Free Class on August 25th at 7:00 PM, PT
Siah
Siah Fried, MPH, NBC-HWC
Move FORWARD Parent & Family Wellness Coaching
Book a free consult here.
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