How Can I Ask My Child to Change If Iām Not Doing It Myself?
Oct 04, 2026
How coaching helped one mom move from a long list of concerns to one realistic place to begin.
A client recently said something that stayed with me:
“How can I ask my son to make healthier changes if I’m not doing these things myself?”
She had come to coaching with a long list of areas she wanted to improve — nutrition, stress management, coping, health habits, and parenting.
After about six weeks together, she told me:
“You’ve helped me become so much more aware.”
Aware of stress in her body. Aware of her health behaviors. Aware of how she responds when overwhelmed. Aware of what happens in her parenting when she is depleted.
Then she said:
“This week, I know what I really want to hammer down.”
That is the work.
Awareness helps us understand the behavior
One of the beliefs that guides my coaching is that behavior is information.
If someone is stress eating, procrastinating, staying up too late, avoiding exercise, or becoming short-tempered with family, simply telling them what they “should” do differently doesn’t help much. In coaching, we look at why the behavior may be happening and what might be getting in the way of change. We assess readiness, and when readiness is high, we choose one goal and build a realistic plan with tools and coping strategies to support it.
That’s why behavior is information. Understanding what’s underneath helps us figure out not only what to change, but where someone is actually ready to begin. Stress? Exhaustion? Overwhelm? Habit? Environment? Then we can apply a coping strategy that can help.
That is why awareness matters. Before we rush to fix the behavior, we can learn from it.
Often the laundry list of changes is really one connected picture
When someone comes to me with many concerns, I often think about the multiple areas of wellness that affect one another. Stress can affect sleep. Sleep can affect food choices. Work can affect energy. Boundaries can affect health. Parenting stress can affect coping. They are all interrelated.
What looks like ten separate problems may actually be one connected picture. Awareness helps us see those connections.
Readiness tells us where to begin
This is the part that matters so much in effective change:
Someone can know exactly what they “should” do and still not be ready to do it.
Knowing and readiness are not the same thing.
That is why understanding behavior is so important. Once we know what is getting in the way, we can make a more realistic decision about what someone is actually ready to work on.
For this client, after several weeks of noticing and understanding her patterns, she became clear about one thing she wanted to focus on first.
Start With One Realistic Change
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s choosing one realistic change you’re actually ready to work on. You may eventually want to improve several areas, but you do not need to tackle them all at once. Start with what feels important, doable, and worth your energy right now. You may eventually want to work on ten things. Start with one!
What Are You Most Ready to Work On?
If you have several areas you want to improve, you do not have to tackle all of them at once.
Start by noticing what is happening, what may be underneath the behavior, and what feels important enough to work on now.
Awareness helps us understand the pattern. Readiness helps us know where to begin.
No blame. No shame. Just FORWARD.
Not sure what you’re seeing in your child or yourself? Wondering what your next step should be?
If you notice behavior is challenging, learn how to hear what it may be telling you.
You may be noticing exhaustion, distance, overwhelm, procrastination, sleep changes, headaches or stomach aches—and wondering what to do with what you’re seeing.
The free 2-Minute Parent Guide helps you:
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notice the clues
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find words that open the conversation
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choose one helpful first move for today
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think through when to step in, give space, or seek more support
Get the Free 2-Minute Parent Guide → Behavior Is Often A Clue, Not A Problem
This guide isn’t designed to diagnose a problem. It’s designed to help you see the situation through a new lens and identify a next step FORWARD.
You don’t have to do this alone. Book a complimentary coaching consult to find out how parent or health and wellness coaching can support your family get through a challenge.
Siah
Siah Fried, MPH, NBC-HWC
Move FORWARD Coaching
Parent and Family Wellness Coach
No blame. No shame. Just FORWARD.
siah_fried@yahoo.com