When a Child Says “I’m in My Own Head”: What It Really Means

Sometimes the hardest thing to see…...is what’s happening inside our kids’ heads.

A teammate once said to my child, “What’s wrong with you?”

My child responded quietly, “I’m just in my own head.”

Another child looked confused and asked, “What does that even mean?”

That moment stayed with me, not because of what was said, but because of what it revealed.

I remember feeling two things at once. First, a pang in my chest for my child, because I knew exactly what they meant. And second, a quieter, more complicated thought: that other child is, in some ways, lucky not to understand that yet.

Because being “in your own head” is something many kids experience—but not all at the same time, and not in the same way.Some kids don’t experience it until much later. And while that can look like “smooth sailing,” I’ve seen what happens when those challenges show up for the first time in adulthood. Many of us didn’t have that path. We had the bumps—and sometimes the waves—earlier.

As hard as it is, those early experiences can help prepare kids for what’s ahead. I’ve seen this with my older kids, and I remember it in myself growing up. And now, with my youngest, I find myself reminding myself:
👉 this is part of the process.

Some kids move through childhood with a kind of ease. They show up, play, perform, and move on without carrying much internal weight. And then there are the kids who feel more deeply. The ones who think about things longer than others, who replay moments in their minds, who compare themselves, who feel the pressure to do well, not just from the outside, but from within.

These are often the kids who care deeply. About how they perform. About how they’re perceived. About whether they measure up. And as parents, this can be incredibly hard to watch.

It can look like overthinking. Like hesitation. Like frustration. Like a child getting in their own way. It can feel confusing, especially when you know what they’re capable of. And it can be painful, because you don’t want them to carry that kind of weight so early.

But there’s another side to this that we don’t talk about enough. When I spoke with my child later, I told them something I believe deeply:

The kids who experience this earlier often develop something others don’t, not because the struggle itself is good, but because learning how to navigate it builds something powerful over time.

They learn how to sit with discomfort instead of immediately escaping it. They begin to understand how their thoughts influence how they feel and perform. They learn, slowly and imperfectly, how to work through frustration, how to recalibrate, how to keep going even when things don’t come easily.

That process builds resilience. It builds awareness. It builds grit and depth. And those are not small things.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we want our kids to struggle alone. It doesn’t mean we ignore the pressure or dismiss what they’re feeling. In fact, it means the opposite.

It means we stay close. We listen. We help them put language to what they’re experiencing. We normalize it without minimizing it. We guide them in understanding that having these thoughts doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. It means they’re learning how to navigate something complex.

Because what often looks like a problem on the surface is actually a developmental moment underneath.

Some kids are more sensitive. More aware. More emotionally attuned. Sometimes more driven. And that combination can make them more vulnerable to pressure—but it also gives them the capacity for deeper growth.

With the right support, these kids don’t get stuck in their heads forever. They learn how to move through it. They begin to recognize their patterns, to challenge their thoughts, to regulate their responses. And over time, something shifts.

What once felt overwhelming becomes something they can manage. What once held them back becomes something they understand. And eventually, it becomes part of what makes them strong.

Not every child will understand what it means to be “in your own head.” And in some ways, that’s a kind of innocence.

But for the kids who do experience this, with support, guidance, and patience, it doesn’t break them. It builds resilience earlier. Failure and pain are part of what shape them, even while it breaks our hearts to watch as parents. In those moments, I find my mantra is "this is part of what’s building their strength for later."

I think about this often, especially as I watch my own kids go through hard moments. I’ve seen it with my older kids, and I remember it in myself growing up. And now, with my youngest, I come back to that same reminder—this is part of the process, even when it’s hard to sit with.

As my dad used to say to me when I was going through tough times, “This too shall pass.” He was right. It took me years to truly understand what that meant, but I remember it now in a completely different way.

Siah Fried, MPH, NBC-HWC

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